I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
