apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
