I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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