Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
