just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
