Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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