Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
