hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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