1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
