We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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