I didn't shave. On purpose
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
