She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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