I'm so fucking centered right now
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
