i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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