we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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