Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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