I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
