i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize