Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
