I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
