Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
