how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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