Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
