my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
