What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
