The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
