Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
