My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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