You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
im on a boat
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