It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
