White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
