Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
