Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
