Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
