Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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