A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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