I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
