i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
