Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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