seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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