i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
