I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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