She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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