Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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