Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
