you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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