I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
