The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
