How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
