i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
