In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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