I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
