i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
