Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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