I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
