His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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