What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
