Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
