she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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