There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
