Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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