i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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