He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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